Self Criticism or Self Examination

Self Criticism

While I really don’t know, I think that I am probably not the only person who struggles with this issue. If you do not, that is wonderful. If you do, I pray my thoughts here will help you in some way.

Sometimes I am extremely self critical. That doesn’t mean I lack confidence. I am just constantly self evaluating. Then I have these humorous conversations with myself. “I am SO STUPID!” Then I answer myself “You’re not as stupid as you think, or you wouldn’t be smart enough to know how stupid you are.” My conversations with myself don’t always make sense, but they amuse me.

What I do understand is that comparing oneself to oneself is vastly different than comparing oneself to others.  I have always told my children (sons, daughters, speech therapy children) that they are not comparing themselves to someone else. What matters is that they doing better today than yesterday. Are they doing their very best? Are they putting effort into what they do? Even as adults, we need to be constantly improving and doing a better job than the day before. We need to put forth our best effort.

I also understand that, even more important than comparing our present performance to our past performance, is comparing our actions and attitudes to the standards God has set.

So, how do our occupational performance and our spiritual lives interact and balance?  While our jobs may set certain restrictions on how we verbally express our beliefs as Christians, the depth of our character and the Spirit living in us should not change with where we are or what we are doing.  The more paradoxical thing for me is that the genuineness of who we are in Christ is most important in the places and situations where our verbal witness is limited, yet, those very situations are often the most difficult in which to live a life worthy of Him. These are the situations where I see my own inadequacies so much more clearly. I hardly ever come home from church beating myself up over my sinfulness. But, I do so quite regularly condemn myself for one thing or another when I come home from work. No wisdom here: just the facts.

I also don’t really understand the spiritual implications of self evaluation. I think there are a few things to be considered when examining ourselves.

1. There is a difference between  
1. a sinful self pride that makes us so centered on ourselves that we fail to focus on God,  
1. Proverbs 11:2 (HCSB)  When pride comes, disgrace follows,
   but with humility comes wisdom.
2. a desire to live in such a way that gives glory to God by doing our best in everything we do.
1. Colossians 3:22 (HCSB) Slaves, obey your human masters in everything. Don’t work only while being watched, in order to please men, but work wholeheartedly, fearing the Lord.
2. There is a difference between
1. recognizing our own sinfulness
1. 1 John 1:9 HCSB If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
2. Romans 12:2-4 (HCSB)2 Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God. 3 For by the grace given to me, I tell everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he should think. Instead, think sensibly, as God has distributed a measure of faith to each one. 4 Now as we have many parts in one body, and all the parts do not have the same function,
2. questioning God’s wisdom in creating us the way He has created us.
1. Psalm 139:14 (HCSB) 14 I will praise You
   because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made.
   Your works are wonderful,
   and I know this very well.
3. There is a difference in
1. trying to earn God’s favor
1. Ephesians 2:8-9 (HCSB) 8 For you are saved by grace through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God’s gift— 9 not from works, so that no one can boast.
2. striving to please Him because of the wonderful gift He has given us.
1. 1 Peter 4:9-11 (HCSB)9 Be hospitable to one another without complaining. 10 Based on the gift each one has received, use it to serve others, as good managers of the varied grace of God. 11 If anyone speaks, it should be as one who speaks God’s words; if anyone serves, it should be from the strength God provides, so that God may be glorified through Jesus Christ in everything. To Him belong the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen.

For me it is an ongoing struggle to be aware of my sinfulness and confess that to God in repentance, to be aware of inadequacies but also rest in the knowledge that God created me according to His perfect purpose,  to strive to improve as an act of worship and not as a way to earn the favor or man, to walk in God’s righteousness and not my own. Will I ever find this perfect balance. I doubt it. Should I keep striving toward that? Of course. We all should.